Do you ever have those times where you think, "Hmm, I'm not sure I'm quite the mom I envisioned I would be"? Yeah, I've had a few of those lately. Like last week when the twins were napping, I turned on the tv for Cash, and I went to sleep on the couch while he was eating macaroni and cheese for breakfast. (Well, it was his idea. And I did happen to have leftovers.)
So the next day I was trying to reform. We hadn't had the tv on all day, but Cash was just being a little naughty bugger. "Stop taking out the babies bottles. Ok, no more blankets over their faces, Cash. See? They don't like daddy's shoes on their heads. Yeah, the baby doesn't need nuts in his mouth. Hey, don't throw that at them... oh, too late. Ok, can you stop crying now?" Amidst all this, I have no idea how he climbed up on the dresser, unscrewed the big jar of diaper cream, and managed to put a huge glob in my hair all without me knowing. I only discovered it later when my unsuspecting fingers made contact.
After that, the tv went back on. And he probably had mac and cheese for dinner again.
I guess I think things would be different if I had more time. I would love to be able to slow down and enjoy it. I need a nanny. But not for the kids. I just want someone to do all the stupid stuff so I can have time to play with my kids and feel like I was successfully stimulating their little minds and having time to goof around and just laugh. My friend left some magazines the other day and when I asked later if she wanted them back, she said, "No, you guys can keep them for your next art project." To which I was sheepishly mumbling, "Uh, yeah, all those art projects we do...."
Yeah, sometimes I thought I'd be a little more on top of things than I am. If we get out of the house to get the mail, I consider it a successful day.