Friday, June 27, 2008

The dispersion

Once upon a time there was a mostly all-bellied pregnant lady.

One day the mostly all-bellied pregnant lady had two babies.

Her belly fat held an emergency meeting.

"Remember what happened last time????" they cried.

"We were nearly all driven to extinction! Well, not this time!!!!"

"The majority of you will remain here and build fortresses and walls and whatever it takes to hold firm (ahem, perhaps firm is the wrong choice of word). And stand your ground!"

"The rest of you.... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!"

So they ran. To her butt. And her hips. Some formed crevices in her back and took shelter. Others ran north to her upper arms and her face. Some went to her boobs (but the little A-cups didn't mind that so much).

And they would not surrender.

So the once mostly all-bellied pregnant lady was left wondering what the heck happened, why it looked like someone took a frying pan to her belly and went splat!!! And suddenly it was everywhere.

She was ticked.

The end.


Spar-Mar Girl said...

That is too hilarious!!! I think every woman who has given birth can relate. I made Adam read it and his comment was,"She should seriously publish that. She could illustrate it so easily and I bet women would go crazy over it."

At least you can know that you're not alone in the experience!!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for giving me a laugh with your entry. As you know it was a rough day today and the highlight was you and your children. So I'm sorry that I get so stressed out. I am so glad that you are out here in Utah. I am already having anxiety though about you guys leaving. I realized tonight that I just think I'll be lost when you are gone and then to have my own baby go to school ALL day, starting August 25th, well this will just be a huge change in my life. So as I go through my own little crisis please know how much I love you and your family! I wish I could cheer you up about your body but I think I just add to your depression as you see I never could get my body back after children.

You are a wonderful mom! You really are. I look at you and am just amazed at your dedication, patience, and love for your family! The big man knew what he was doing when he sent these beautiful twins to you and Ryan! Sure love you guys!

Thanks Ryan for sharing your family with us! I know it's not easy on you!!!!

Love, Julie

Shannon said...

That was good. Sucks Huh! Garrett likes to poke my belly and tell me I'm fat. I let him know he stretched it out so nicely.

Tyler Jorgenson said...

Awesome! That's fantastic. I got pretty sick last week and lost quite a bit of weight... have you tried that one yet?

Jenilee said...

Jen you are hilarious. Thanks for sharing your life with us. I have decided all my muscle took a vacation during and since my last pregnancy. Oh the joys of motherhood!

Laura B. said...

You are hysterical.
At least I know I'm not alone! :)

Krista said...


Trent said...

That is great! I, too, think you should consider doing something with that - it's great! You crack me up.

When are you and the boys going to Miami??

Angela said...

Perfect. That is exactly what happens. I am right there with you right now!

The Spendloves said...

So I'm up at 11:24pm reading blogs which seems slightly ridiculous to me. But that story just made it all worth it! Awesome!

Anne Marie said...

This is absolutely hilarious, but unfortunately I can totally relate. I really do hope my posts about my twin toddlers don't freak you out too much. Many aspects of twinhood have gotten better. I do think that my boys are particularly wild and mischievous.

Lofgrens said...

Jen, would you send me your email to I just always called you - didn't email you much and when I did, just got it off the ward website, which doesn't help anymore since I can't access it!!! Thanks.