Monday, June 21, 2010
Which brings me to my next point. Of not being done. With Miami. For three more years now.
(I know, insert groans of pity.)
But, on the bright side, it's because Ryan was chosen to stay on as the Chief Resident and do his retina fellowship here. It is impressive that he was one of the two that were chosen. He'll do a great job.
But I'll admit I had to choke down the news a little when he told me. I'm sure I didn't give him the congratulatory response he was expecting as I sort of felt like throwing up every time I thought about it for two days. But I think I'm coming around. It was a hard choice. He has one more year of residency here then will do a two year retina fellowship after that. A lot of fellowships actually go down in salary from what you even make as a resident. But staying here, he would actually make more. A huge plus. Even though the cost of living is more here, it's still a significant difference. Like the difference between I hope we can survive and we'll be fine. Like he tells me some California fellowships pay like $30,000 - how you pay for housing there and survive with a five person family in LA or wherever, I have no idea. Also, if he said no to the spot here, he wouldn't start interviewing for other places until the fall, so it's not like he's choosing from all his options at once. So if he said no here he'd be giving up more of a sure thing to go gamble for another spot somewhere else. And pay lots of money to interview all over the country. And maybe get a good spot - or maybe not. I would LOVE to go to the fellowship in Oregon. That would be my first choice. But there are only one or two spots there, who knows if they have someone staying internally for the position...and our chances of it just get less and less likely. So the only thing that got me to say he could apply to stay here was continually thinking, "It could be worse." Like he could gamble and get stuck with a lame fellowship in some place even worse than Miami. (That's betting that somewhere worse than Miami probably exists. :)
It will be hard to not wonder how it could have played out differently and think maybe the grass would have be greener....but we played it safe, and he'll be really well trained, and I'll just have to wrap my mind around it.
But since I found out we are staying I've had a few panic attacks, including some absurd thoughts like what if the end of the world comes soon? I don't want to spend my few remaining days HERE!!! And worrying that the longer we're here the more likely our chances are that something bad will happen like getting hit by a hurricane. Or getting shot. Or my children getting stolen and sold on the black market. Or that I will look like a piece of fruit leather by the time we leave here.
Anyhow, hopefully we will just live here happily in peace, with a little extra money around and a lot of beach and sunshine to enjoy. And a happy husband who gets great training and gives me whatever I want when I'm done suffering through all this med school/residency/fellowship business. :) Right, honey?