I seriously think someone is just having a funny joke with my life. Nothing can just be easy right now. Nothing! Ryan was on call today and overnight tonight. It was a big thing for me - go to church by myself? For some people, better than me, it might not even be a question. But, our kids are never just good for a few hours at a time, and both of us are usually holding one trying to get them to sleep at some point. So, knowing I wouldn't probably get anything out of going to church with three little kids by myself and it might be total crying and misery, I decided to go for Cash's sake. He needs the interaction, and hopefully learn a little about Jesus while he's there too.
Well, of course we got there late. But, no joke, as soon as I step out of the car - tropical downpour. Thank you hurricane season. I am soaked. My diaper bag sitting in the stroller is soaked. I'm trying to figure out how to get everyone in, but taking one baby out, he gets soaked. The rain is blowing sideways, so the other one in the car is still getting pelted in the face and is soaked by the time I get him out. Everyone, is screaming, Cash included because he's even getting wet and windblown and freaked out. I don't even know what to do because it takes so long to load everyone up, and how do I even go sit in a seat totally drenched?
So I give up and put everyone back in the car. I start the car. I'm trying really hard not to cry. I don't know why I even bothered coming. Then I realize that the babies are starving and really need to eat, so I can't even take the 30 minutes to get back home.
So this time I leave the babies in the car, and run Cash into the church. He starts screaming when he gets to nursery (typical), and they're not really getting my situation, but I'm like, "Look, I really have two babies out in the car and can you just take him??" Then I ventured out and got the babies. Then I attempted to make some sense out of our soaking wetness (did I mention I was wearing a white skirt? Nice). It's really unpleasant to sit through church in wet underwear. The whole thing was so not fun.
I guess I should be reminded of a few months ago, when I was 37 weeks pregnant with the twins, Ryan was at work, it was snowy and probably another 0 degree Wisconsin Sunday. I can't even describe how uncomfortable I was. Carrying Cash out back through the snow and getting him in and out of the car was agonizing. But I went to church. Sitting was so uncomfortable and my back was killing. But I remember sitting in Sacrament meeting and the speakers were done, but the Bishop got up at the end, and just said he felt impressed to say that people could have had every excuse not to come today. The roads were bad, the weather was awful, but as he looked out at the congregation, he saw mom's with young kids, mother's who's husbands weren't members, mother's with multiple children to take care of while husbands were busy with other callings. And he knew that that those women in that congregation were all mother's who knew. That congregation was full of mother's who understood the gospel of Jesus Christ. Mother's who knew.
I probably didn't have such a great attitude today. Maybe next time I'll remember that moment that had been exactly what I needed at that time and remind myself of it again when I'm wondering why I even bother going to church.