Thursday, September 20, 2012

Stumped

I'll be honest.  There are two things on my mind right now:



Colorado Springs and Salt Lake City.  (I know, it doesn't look like much of a difference). 

We are finally at the point where a real job is in sight.  As in like 10 months away.  But the choice about where we will be in 10 months is about one week away.  

And I am still stumped.

We have been at an impasse for about a month.  We never thought there would be a job opportunity in Utah.  So we never really had our sights set on it.  We've known for a little while that there was a good job opportunity in Colorado Springs and had that in the back of our minds.  Then something came up in Utah.  Now we don't know what to do.  

The job in Colorado Springs is probably a good fit for Ryan. They seem to think the way he does, run a business and work efficiently in the way he likes. But I'm not sure I love the place.  It's hard to tell when you have a day and a half and your husband is telling you to decide if you want to live and raise a family there for the rest of your life.  The houses were crammed together, yards were small, and believe it or not, I was dying for Utah to see some greenery it was so dry. I worry that I'm just going to be all on my own like I have been for years now and it gets lonely. 

Then there's Utah.  Family.  Lots of it, for both of us.  A place we know we both like.  But a job that may require a little more time away from family, a little more travel for work, and a market that is more saturated.  But still a great opportunity and a nice couple of guys to work with. (Although it seems that rather frequently when he talks to them in the evening they're not done with work or heading back in for another surgery.)  Utah seems a little better developed, lots of great things to do, and ski mountains are right at your back door. Colorado they're about 2 hours away - but the two hours away takes you to great places like Vail and Breckenridge. Both jobs just have enough pluses and minuses that they just seem to cancel each other out and keep bringing us around in circles to where we are back at no decision. 

Trying to sway our decision, my sister-in-law sent me this article about Utah being poised to be the best state to live in.  But when I opened the article, Utah was number 1, Minnesota was number 2, and Colorado was number 3.  Great - the three places we were considering for jobs. No wonder it was such a hard decision. Luckily the Minnesota job was taken by our good friend here at least narrowing it down to two. But good grief, I can't even decide what shirt to wear in the morning let alone where to live for the rest of my life.

For a while it seemed I was pining for Utah and he was happy with the job in Colorado.  Then when we thought we were getting closer to making a decision it turned out we flip-flopped.  Probably him realizing happy wife = happy family, and me thinking grumpy husband = miserable family.  

I know, people say we'll just know where we should be and it will just feel right.  Well, what if that hasn't happened after 4 months of thinking and praying about this and I'm getting down to the wire??

So.  Any thoughts?  Opinions?  Please, weigh in. Job where we'd love to live or live where the job is more cushy? Spend your vacations in Utah visiting family or live by family and spend your vacations elsewhere? Be adventurous and try somewhere new or let our kids grow up by their cousins in a place we know we like? I'm all ears. 

19 comments:

Gavin and Shawna said...

Ok...you guys are awesome for getting down to 2 practices...that's impressive to start with. Here are my 2 cents:
1) I know after moving all around and being in many different places...some we have grown to love and some we have endured...when the time comes to settle...we want to be where we LOVE to be...which, for us, also happens to be with family. San Diego, like Utah for you, is not the wisest of choices economically and whatnot...but it will be enough...it will be great and after all the years of sacrifice...don't you deserve to have the payout happen?!
2) The reality is...his job can change. People leave, new people come...things happen...but if you are somewhere you love (because of family and location)...then his job function will just pan out. What I am saying is...don't make your decision based on the job...because that is not set in stone...it can/will/does change.
3) When you are old...if you are in UT, you won't have to move to be by your kids...my guess is that is where they will be =)
4) But...Colorado is nice too...it was dry because that state was one of the many that are/were in a crazy drought.
OK....good luck...we will be looking to you guys soon for advice on what to do with real life with a real practice=)

AnnaMarie said...

WOW! Yay, you're at that point. I'm glad we didn't have that sort of pressure. And I'm happy that MN is number 2! :)

My 2 cents. After the craziness of med school and especially residency, the loneliness and doing it yourself...I think the job is SO important. Having Tyler home more quickly after his shift is KEY, not having him running off to meetings on his days off is great, and seeing him happy and enthusiastic about his job is so satisfying. I know EM is a little different, so take what applies to you guys, but I would much rather have Tyler be happy in his job. I can always make new friends.

That being said: I do have a brother here, and my SIL is essential, and it's heaven having cousins close. If you're in Colorado, how often would you see your family in Utah? If you're in Utah, and everyone has busy lives (not summer break, not there for a week on vacation), how often will you see them? Is there a lot of drama that living there would get you involved? Haha, just thinking of my own family (both mine and Tyler's, actually).

Good luck! I wish MN were still in the running, but maybe if you end up in Utah, we'll see you someday!

AnnaMarie said...

Also, I am SHOCKED that you are considering any other place when SLC is an option! :)

Spar-Mar Girl said...

I don't know if this helps or not, but here's my two cents. I did the crazy hours (like 80-100hrs a week for 9-10 months of the year) for 8 years. By the end of eight years, we decided it was much more important to have a job Adam truly enjoyed doing and could still have time for us in a happy mood. We were prepared to move out of the country and cut his pay almost in half to accomplish it. It has been SO worth it for us to have Adam happy and around more. This phase with the kids really needs two parents that are there not only emotionally, but physically. It's made the biggest difference for our family.

That being said, there is a magic to having cousins super close. But Colorado is just an 8-10 hr drive or a super short plane ride to Utah.

At the end of the day, my only advice would be to see if you can go to the temple together and just think about it. If both choices leave you feeling good, then know either choice will be a good one for your family. Sometimes it really sucks being the grown up. Good luck!!!

Safire said...

I ADORE CO Springs. I would live there in a heartbeat. But I spent a lot of my growing up period in CO, and it was a nice, easy, outdoorsy place. My parents enjoyed being far enough away from family that they weren't there for everything, but close enough to drive for the big things. The church is strong, the people are friendly and it's beautiful there. While you don't have to do the job, it's still important for him to enjoy what he's doing. Good luck!

LuAnn said...

Jen, I hate Washington, DC. In fact I am now crying because it hurts to face it sometimes. I am lonely and I think having Simon in school is making it worse. People are too busy here. I won't get in to it. But it has been 2 years and I have found that (with enough therapy) I can love my life, but hate this place. You will develop relationships that will be meaningful. I have found that being in a place where Jeff feels satisfied is critical. He is ambitious. Additionally, DC is much better for my boys due to schools. I feel like Jeff can excel here and so can I. On the other side of the coin...as Jeff has been uber committed to being satisfied and excelling at work, as we age he is realizing that maybe that isn't everything. I think that you have 2 great options and perhaps neither of them are wrong. Both great choices. But I get how choices are both a blessing and a curse.

With regard to MN, Jeff is there now and says the skyways are overrated anyway. :) Blessing for you, perhaps, that at least 1 choice was eliminated for you! I love you!

LuAnn said...

Also since you'll be there a long time you'll make friends. My guess is it won't be like Miami. Plus you can go home like 5 times a year easy.

If we were in your shoes we'd be in CO.

Lindsey Johnson said...

Colorado. Still pretty close to family, but it's not Utah. :) I don't hate Utah, but after being away and then moving back, I realized how much I liked coming back for vacations and calling somewhere else home.

Anonymous said...

Once the decision is made, you can MAKE it the right decision!

xoxocyh

Allysha said...

I'm going to say that all in all, it's really nice to have a husband with a job that doesn't require so much of him. Yes, family can make up for the deficit, but it's still not the same.
Good luck with your decision!



SuburbiaMom said...

I agree with Colorado. More able to see family than living in Florida, but still not having to grow up in their shadows or vice versa.

Lindsey said...

Tough choice! I just know that whenever you post about going to Utah for Christmas or during the summer, you are so psyched. If you want Utah, and you have unity with Ryan and feel spiritually led to be there, go for it - there is an offer. After five years of training and going through essentially 3 matches of med school, residency, and fellowship, we get used to sacrificing what we hope for. Now may be your best chance to live there, so if you want it, take it.

That being said, the CO job sounds great, too, and I have faith the right house will present itself in time. If you go there, and it doesn't sit right, you can always go somewhere else. Praying for you two and the decision.

liz said...

We had a hard time making decisions like this, too. I have to tell you I had reservations about coming back to AZ where both of our families are, but seeing my kids interact with their cousins and relatives on a regular basis made my heart sing and nothing can compare to that. It wasn't suffocating when we came back and the worries I had of being too smothered did apply. You have 4 small kids- anywhere you live and no matter what kind of hours he works you will never regret living near family to get the kind of love and support and relationships a family offers. Plus, you don't have to commit to it for life- he could get another job later or you could move again later if it's not what you like. I just know the lonesome mom situation too well and you need support. Good luck! Either decision is great.

liz said...

I meant 'being too smothered did not apply".

liz said...

I agree with Lindsey- go with what you need now both are great choices and it's time to splurge on your needs.

Tania said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tania said...

When we first moved to NY it was going to be for "2-3 years" so Rick could get ahead in his career. That was 14 years ago.

After 5 years in Brooklyn, 8 in Westchester and now a year in CT, I cannot imagine living anywhere else We have a great life. Rick is happy in his job and travels less than he used to - he even takes Fridays off through the summer. We have a nice house, we can provide well for our kids and we love the neighborhood and ward we are in.

That said, anytime there's a baby blessing, or baptism, missionary farewell, or big family event I am sad not to be there. I wish my kids knew their Grandparents and cousins more. I sometimes wish I had family help (although less and less as the kids get bigger). Also, Rick does still work long hours here - he leaves before any of us are up and gets home after the kids are in bed.

There are benefits and disadvantages to living anywhere. I believe that you make the life you want to live wherever you are.
Either way though - you can't really go wrong with your two choices :)

The Brown Family said...

I hope this isn't weird, but I stumbled upon your blog from Kimi's blog. I have been a longtime friend of Andrew's and now Kimi's. This post caught my attention because 3 of my best friends moved to Colorado Springs a year ago. Their husbands all bought into dental practices there. They love it so far. They have strong wards, good neighborhoods, and their kids have made good friends. They spend a lot of time outdoors and enjoying the weather and beautiful scenery. I don't know which choice you should make, but if you do go to Colorado Springs I can give you some insight into which neighborhoods they live in. They are in Cordera and Wolf Ranch. They would be fantastic friends for you to meet. My blog address is therbrownfaminaz dot blogspot dot com. You can comment there if you want more info. Good luck making your decision!

The Brown Family said...

sorry, i messed up my address. it's thebrownfaminaz dot blogspot dot com.