Last year I did a best and worst list for 2007. This year I didn't do one because, first, I was a little preoccupied so I didn't really notice much going on around me, and second, I was pretty sure you could all guess what my year was about.
Best of 2008: Oh my gosh! We had twins!!!!
Worst of 2008: Oh my gosh. We had twins.
It was definitely a challenging year. Those first few months after the move to Miami are probably one of those times I look back on through a dark haze. Being by myself all day every day trying to figure out how to deal with two babies and a toddler. Never seeing Ryan. Never seeing anyone, really. Nursing infections. Sweating. Sweating some more. Sweating in places I didn't know could sweat.
But I am excited for 2009. Things have gotten so much better. Thank you for coming, 70 degree winter, I am sure you have something to do with my mood change. Plus I'm more in my groove now with this three kid thing. We get out a lot. In fact it still surprises me how on-the-go I am with three kids. Must keep us all sane. (That and a healthy dose of humor about our life.) And we have awesome friends in Miami. We go for walks along the beach. How pleasant is that? Maybe it's because I finally dropped a few pounds (don't read that as meaning back to normal). AND - we are half way through the hardest year of residency. THANK GOODNESS.
And, dare I say? The twins are actually getting really fun. (Or maybe my mind is clouded because I've been around family for the last three weeks!)
I didn't ever think that once they were both crawling it would be even more fun. Yes, I do have kids that can potentially go in all different directions now, but it's so stinking cute to watch them take off army crawling after each other. Or over each other. Or following each other into the smallest spaces in the house and then howling for help when they get stuck. Or watching them both race over to me and start begging if I ever sit down with food. I keep thinking I need to dress them in some camouflage outfits, stick a toy rifle under their arms, and narrate their adventures ("Hit the deck, soldier!") as I listen to their heavy breathing as they army crawl after each other deliberately over and under every obstacle in the house. Really, I think it's a lot of effort to move that much chub. The first time Ashton crawled one morning, he moved two feet and slept for 3 hours.
As for 2009, do I have any goals? I guess not really. I told Ryan I thought we should try to be more spiritual. He told me I say that every year. I do? Oops. That's probably why I don't make goals. Apparently I don't even remember them.
But I have been thinking that this year I'd like to focus more on Ryan and me. I think we got a little lost in the chaos last year. Heck, half the time we were sleeping opposite schedules just so someone could get some sleep. But that could make for a really nice year, don't you think? Trying to focus on your spouse, keep each other happy, think of each other's needs as a priority? I haven't discussed this with Ryan yet, but can he really have much choice after I've blogged it? This is like doctrine. Like Oprah. Like saying you're going to lose weight this year in front of millions of people. (Seriously, did anyone watch this week? I only watched Monday - it may have gotten better the rest of the week. I've never watched Oprah before. There must be a reason. Millions of people are feeding her money to tell them "it's not a weight issue, it's a love issue"?? Come on. And women just eat this stuff up?) But we're off to a good start - I just booked a weekend cruise for the two of us! My first cruise ever. (And it's only taking two family members out in Miami to do it.)
Maybe I'll even challenge Ryan to try to re-discover his personality. :) That may sound funny, but he's the first to admit that med school and residency have sucked the life out of him. Frankly, he doesn't have time to have personality. And if he had the time, he certainly wouldn't have the energy. Our last Sunday in New York, Ryan and I had to speak in church. Afterwards, people kept coming up to me saying incredulously, "Ryan is really funny." It's so weird to me that people don't know what my husband is really like! But then I have to remember, he is hardly ever around people, and he's always exhausted. So I'm hoping he gets some time to be himself again this year.
But I guess I sort of feel a theme this year, if not specific goals. Every 6 months our church holds a general conference where the leaders of the church all give talks. One talk in particular keeps coming to my mind. It is called "Finding Joy in the Journey." That is a link to the transcript. If you want to feel inspired, motivated, grateful, and just happy, you should read it. I'll give you a few teasers from it:
“Whatever hour God has blessed you with, take it with grateful hand, nor postpone your joys from year to year, so that in whatever place you have been, you may say that you have lived happily.”
Arthur Gordon wrote in a national magazine, and I quote:
“When I was around thirteen and my brother ten, Father had promised to take us to the circus. But at lunchtime there was a phone call; some urgent business required his attention downtown. We braced ourselves for disappointment. Then we heard him say [into the phone], ‘No, I won’t be down. It’ll have to wait.’
“When he came back to the table, Mother smiled. ‘The circus keeps coming back, you know,’ [she said.]
“‘I know,’ said Father. ‘But childhood doesn’t.’"
It seems especially poignant when I feel like so often we just keep thinking how nice it will be when we're done with med school, or done with residency, or through with this year. But you know what? This is my life. So this year is all about finding joy in the journey.