Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Why I think Men would be well-suited to having babies

I've been thinking about this topic lately. There are really quite a few valid reasons men would be the better suited sex for having babies:

* Their bodies. Men can get busy and not see the light of a gym in years, yet when they finally go back, it's like they can pretty much pick up where they left off. And they lose weight SO much more easily than women. This has made me bitter lately - why aren't they the ones to watch their bodies grow, expand, morph, sag, droop, and then repeat the cycle? They can fix the situation at least much more easily than women. I've been thinking that part of Eve's punishment - affliction in bearing children or whatever it was, was really a lot more detailed than the Bible let on.

* Their lack of ability to multi-task. You may think this would be a hindrance, but see, since they can't multi-task, it wouldn't even cross their mind to try to take on too much at one time. They wouldn't even think about taking care of the babies and children while making dinner, calling to make doctors appointments and figure out the insurance, planning creative activities for their children, getting to playdates, watching the neighbors kids, doing the laundry, cleaning the house and getting ready to throw a Modest Swimsuit party all at the same time. It wouldn't cross their minds. Therefore, I'm sure they would get by much more simply, and live with FAR LESS GUILT about not getting everything done than women do. Because it would never occur to them to do otherwise.

* Their general apathy toward clothing. Their disdain for shopping combined with their lack of fashion sense (without wife intervention) and their hatred for spending money on shopping would lead them to an easy conclusion: buy a good pair of sweatpants and wear them for 9 months.

* Their emotions. Or lack thereof. I realize there are some men out there who are emotional. I just don't happen to know them. I think I've seen Ryan get emotional maybe 2 or 3 times since I've known him (and no, those didn't happen to be our wedding and the births of our children). I don't even think pregnancy hormones could induce episodes of sitting on the couch with a box of kleenexes crying over sappy tv commercials in him. (But I'd sure like to get him back for all the times he walked in on this scenario and said, "Again?")

* Sleep. They would probably sleep through the babies crying in the night and thus they would be better rested and the babies would probably just learn to sleep through the night much faster.

* Nursing: 1. Football hold. Need I say more? 2. Nursing would be way easier in guys clothes than finding your way through dresses, fitted blouses, shirts, slips, zippers, hooks, tank tops, undershirts, waistnippers, and whatever the heck else women have going on under there.

I know, there are MANY reasons why men really would not be well-suited for having babies. Number one on my list - well, you remember my post about Ryan when he's sick - how whiny men are when they don't feel good even when it's the same thing you just had? Or this post about the man-cold?? CAN YOU IMAGINE NINE MONTHS OF THAT??? I guess it's better how it is.

15 comments:

Tennille said...

So true. I guess we'll never know if men could even handle all the crap we go through, but it would be nice to switch places for a bit. My favorite is when my husband tells me to just exercise more and do more sit ups to get my belly flat again. Umm, no. It may someday have the appearance of flatness, but some things will never, ever go back to the way they were. Thus the reason for the tummy tuck fund. :)

Goeb Life said...

I totally agree! What makes you think of this now? Are you pregnant??? :)

todd & nicole said...

So funny. I wish there was a way it could at least be equal. Like taking turns. One of my friends suggested that the men could have the boy babies and women could have the girl babies. But I really think men would be fine with just one boy baby and then we'd have a lot more girl babies. I really can't see men going through child birth more than one time.

The Spendloves said...

I love #2. That is so true. The other day I got home from mutual and the kitchen was exactly the way I left it, soup still in the crockpot, food out and dishes everywhere... and husband and twins were in our room playing and watching football and not even remotely ready for bed. I asked him why he didn't at least put the food away and his response was that he had to take care of the boys. So my response was, "You know how much food would go to waste if I used that excuse all day?" But he did say something the other day. He admitted to being able to double-task sometimes, but not multi-task... which is exactly what women always do. Life is simple if I'm only doing two things at the same time.

Anne Marie said...

So hilarious!!! I can't believe how much my emotions cloud my experiences as a mom. The guilt in particular. My husband feels almost zero guilt for anything ever whereas I am continuously feeling inadequate and aware of all the things that are not happening at any moment. Don't even get me going on the weight thing. My husband hardly tries and loses 5 pounds, and then I have to work my butt off for a month to do the same thing....For all that, I can't imagine giving up my job...

Anonymous said...

So fun to read!

Your dad always heard the babies in the night. Somehow I never could.

And to prove he could do it, once when I was very ill he fixed Sunday dinner, not just any Sunday dinner, but a turkey dinner with all the trimmings!

What a great guy!

xoxocyhunsaker

Jen said...

Always fun to read. You're a hoot.

Jen said...

:)

Jenilee said...

I 100% agree. Sounds like a good switch to me. Although I do like to have that special bond that comes with taking care of the kids all day. That said if Dad took the kids for the whole day once in a while that would be nice.

Gavin and Shawna said...

Holy hell that was comical! Definitely what I needed to hear today....a day of feeling less than appreciated. But also knowing what it feels like to struggle to have them....I also understand the miraculous feeling of 2 purple lines! BITTER-SWEET for sure!
ps...men wouldn't stand a chance!

SSAS said...

I still get a good laugh about the Man Cold. (Good luck with your modest swimsuit party.)

Shannon said...

Hey, I liked the haircut post. Just didn't comment. I actually like being pregnant this time around. Because I am so lucky to be having a girl and she only made me sick for 16 weeks not 41. I love feeling her squirm inside me. I wouldn't trade it. I never thought I would say that.

AnnaMarie Ferrell said...

I thought the commercial-crying part was funny...I cried A LOT over commercials, Harry Potter and other sad movies like that, you name it and I was in tears. Now that I have my time of the month back, I also realize that it's not limited to when I'm pregnant.

Laurie Jones said...

I love that post! Being pregnant right now, I find my self complaining about the cellulite creeping down my legs, my sore bones (I really am getting older, I can feel it), and my belly that is growing twice as fast this time and I am sure Brandon gets tired of listening to it. I sure wish he could be able to experience all this at least once in his lifetime-just so he could relate and have some empathy.

But you are right I don't think I could handle the whining when he is not feeling well and stretched out on the couch. Although I do have to say that Brandon is quite good at multi-tasking (but still not as good at it as I am) and he is great with kids. I feel fine leaving all three kids with him for days. I always come home to a clean house (for the most part), the kids have been fed, made it to all their activities, they are dressed, and happy. So I am grateful for that. But I do usually leave detailed instructions for him.

Jen, you are so funny!!!!

Chadlee said...

Brilliant. Let's put in a request to the powers above . . .I think guys need a chance to experience it all, too. Why should we get all the FUN?