Thursday, July 10, 2008

Let's face it

Ok so here it is: the number one reason I don't want to move to Miami is my hair. I know it sounds so vain, but that's the truth. Many of you know that I have naturally curly hair, but probably only a handful of you have ever seen it that way. Why? Because I hate it. I don't hate curly hair in general - there are many people I love it on. If mine looked the way theirs did, I would love it too. But it doesn't. It looks like a bad perm. It doesn't have a good curl formation, there's no organization, and it's totally unpredictable. Sometimes it actually looks ok, but you can try it again and it will be a complete disaster.

Did anyone ever see the "Friends" episode where they go to Barbados? Monica can't leave her room because every time she goes outside, her hair turns into an enormous frizzy helmet? Everyone who sees her gives a total double-take and a big, "WOAH." To which she has to keep responding, "IT'S THE HUMIDITY!" This is going to be my life.

I feel like under normal circumstances, my hair is one of my better features. Not everyday, necessarily, but it has a lot of potential. I especially try to hold on to that idea and take advantage of it when the rest of the body goes to pot and I'm really trying to distract from the mid-section. (After I had Cash I dyed it dark for that same reason.) I say I feel like I have pretty good hair - but only because it's mine, and I'm pretty good with hair. If anyone else had it, I'm pretty sure they couldn't tame the beast the way I can. (If you don't believe me, see the elementary school pictures before I was a hair guru.)

So I am really dreading what is going to happen over the next three years. Bad hair for three years?!?! I can hardly imagine. That's like my worst nightmare. I seriously think I even prayed that I wouldn't be sent to a mission that was really humid because I just didn't want to be cranky and preoccupied with my bad hair for 18 months. Chopping it off may be in the forecast. And just wearing it curly. A big blond football helmet. At least then it's a smaller mess to deal with? That way I won't be a chicken. I'll go swimming whenever I want, I won't avoid going outside or doing things because it will ruin my hair - all things I honestly am guilty of.

When people in the salon I was at actually did my hair - they all totally understood. They used to make faces and say, "HOW LONG did you say it's been since you've washed your hair???" Then if they'd ever wash it for me or the dreaded drying my hair for me, they would say, ok, I totally understand why. I just have a ton of thick curly hair. And no one has ever been able to do it as well as me. Anytime I've gotten my hair done at a salon, Ryan will pick me up and say, "Wow. That doesn't look very good." And then I'll have to say, "I know. Don't worry, I just have to go home and do it myself and then it will look fine." Which it does.

In that "Friends" episode I was talking about, there's one part where Chandler says something about Monica like, "I think this is the only time since we've been married that I feel like the only attractive one." So here's to you Ryan: the next three years are all yours.

And then I found the only consolation I've been able to come up with in the following clip (the first 20 seconds):


Laura B. said...

Hysterical. As a fellow psuedo-curly haired person, I fully endorse cutting it short. That's what I did when I moved to Iowa and I have no regrets. It's straight when there's no humidity, and curly when it is.
I love it and it makes life so much easier!

Adrienne said...

So this is totally unrelated however i love reading every one of your posts. now i don't want blonde hair anymore, learning about the plethora of utahans that have it ;) as for the digital camera, it will be a dent in the pocket book. I rented the Canon Digital rebel Xsi to try it before I buy it...It's $800 bucks and that's not including the lens. I'm going with the generation back at a more affordable price of $500 for the Xti. I've been asking for Amazon gift certificates for awhile in hopes that a few birthdays and mother's days and anniversaries and christmas will get one for me. The lens I'm trying out is the 50mm fixed f1.4 (another $365). You could go for a $85 version of the 50mm lens but it's not as great with the background blur etc. It's great for getting a sharp focus with blurred background. I am no photographer by any means, but I now realize that it's really the camera/lens that can make or break the picture, not necessarily talent (but talent goes along way). I've never really used a camera like this before and was amazed at how "relatively" easy it was. I have to send it back in a week :( so I'm trying to use it as much as possible before it goes back. Pretty much it'll be about 1k that gets slapped down in the end, with memory sticks, extra battery, cleaning kit, carrying case and a protection plan. Who knows, maybe by the time I've saved enough my longing will wane, I'll keep you posted!

Gavin and Shawna McEwan said...

That is too funny that I quoted this same episode when I moved to FL. The good news is: very rarely did my hair actually whack out the way I thought it would. Going dark or going short is a great idea. I have loved my hair shorter SOOOooo much more than I even anticipated.

liz said...

this is so funny. i think i get it. this was how i felt about my (ahem) boobs after I had kids. i had a great rack.

well. at least your will get your hair back wihtout surgery whenever you leave FL! my natural boobs are gone forever.

Anonymous said...

What about the cockroaches, the silver fish, and sand fleas? Oh, the ants and no-see-ums, too?

sarah starr said...

Let's face it, you will look great no matter what you do to your hair. You're just a pretty person.

Kimber said...

welcome to my life. i sent this to azla and she loved it. did you know she did the japanese hair straightening thing? it is permanent now. check out her blog.