Friday, October 17, 2008

Hate List

Ok, I've tried not to whine and complain too much about this because really, who wants to hear it? But the last US Weekly cover just sent me over the edge:

(Ok, I know, I should just stop reading trash magazines. I had to give it to my neighbor to get it out of my sight. And at least once a month they have an AMAZING POST-BABY BOD!!! cover. Blech.)

BUT - it's not just celebrities. I know I could say yeah, if I had nannies and a personal chef and a fitness trainer and got paid a million bucks to look that way.... But Brooke, and Jill, and Tanya, and a friend's sister, and all you other the other real-life post-twinners I know are totally skinny. Seriously, despite what I thought, everyone I know personally that has twins all lost all their baby weight and got back into normal clothes within weeks. I really was not expecting to be the exception to the rule.

Am I super disciplined?
Why not?
Because I've never had to be before.

I've never been rail-thin, but always had a comfortable balance between eating whatever I felt like and exercising a few times a week. And I have had a few bouts of giving it some real effort. Enough that my past self would have responded. I even went without chocolate for weeks. And NOTHING. Apparently consuming my body weight in chocolate during any given month has never seemed to matter before, and the lack of it doesn't seem to matter now. (Well, at least now I know it didn't help so I can go back to eating chocolate.)

Then there's another fear: is this because I'm almost 30, and this is just what the rest of my life is going to be like?

I will say I've found a new use for Costco: that's where the fat people in Miami hang out. It's become my new self-esteem booster. It seems to be especially noticeable when you're hanging out in the food court. (Eating pizza. And churros. And ice cream. With a 5lb box of brownie bites in the cart.)

But no, not my neighborhood. Women walk out of my building all the time pushing strollers and wearing skimpy clothes with totally svelte figures. And they're always eating apples. Which makes me roll my eyes. I guess maybe I could look better if all I ate were apples every day too. But Ryan always chastises me after these women walk by. "You were totally staring them down," he'll hiss at me. Well, I say, I have to turn around to see into their strollers to see how old their babies are relative to how skinny they are so I can decide to what degree I hate them.

I think that's another reason I'm almost hesitant to give up nursing. It's been my excuse for still holding onto the weight (another exception to the rule since it makes most everyone else drop weight super easily) - I'm afraid I'll stop and still won't lose the weight, and then I'll really be screwed. I know, you guys all say I look fine. Good thing I'm tall because I hide it better, but that scale don't lie. And neither do my clothes. Seriously, I've admitted that it's too much to ask my regular clothes to accommodate an extra 25 pounds. But I've totally worn through the one pair of jeans that actually fits me. And I hate to give in and buy new clothes when I keep thinking I won't be this way long and I don't want to spend the money!

So much stress. Thanks for letting me vent.
I better go find some chocolate to unwind.


Tennille said...

I think every woman, no matter how quickly she loses her baby weight, has body issues to deal with. I remember sobbing before my first was born because I knew I was never going to look the same again. And I haven't!

I hate that I can't eat everything I want to anymore, I hate that eating treats after the kids go to bed most certainly shows up on the scale the next morning, and I hate that eating right seems to make a much bigger difference than exercising. I actually got a cleanse drink recipe from a friend that I might try next week--that's how desperate I've become!

I love how you look at the age of the baby to decide how mad you're going to be at the mom--I've totally done that before!

Good luck, fellow twin mom, and if you find anything that works (besides eating right and exercising, obviously), let me know!

Gavin and Shawna McEwan said...

You're AWESOME!!! FIrst...really do you think that having twins you should be down to your pre-prego weight? It takes me nearly 2 years to really get most of my weight off. AND after #2...I think I have conceded to having 3-5 extra pounds...I think its just skin that grew around my belly and can't just dissappear...does skin shrink? I think that's just life.
OH...and I absolutely held on to a good 15 lbs when I seriously give yourself some credit. Your hubby is going through his hardest year...and so are you. Give yourself some time to get through the tough time...then when things slow down you can create a more perfect Jen (notice I said MORE!!).

Anne Marie said...

I saw this magazine cover in the store and practically screamed when I saw it. Give yourself time. You will get your body back.

Anonymous said...

The article itself said that she had a "mommy tuck" (did not call it a tummy tuck). (Or maybe I saw that on TV, on one of those reputable shows such as "First Edition.") What's with it? Of course she has had plastic surgery!

And if your life, your livelihood, your marriage (well, relationship), and your career depended on it, we could make the necessary reparations and put you in a hot slim black dress, and you would knock her socks off with your golden tresses.


Cecily said...

Your great Jen. I love reading your blog because it is so REAL! You are so hilarious and I totally realate. Not to the twins... but I'm having such a hard time losing the weight the second time around it's pretty depressing... glad to know that atleast I have some good company!

AnnaMarie Ferrell said...

You are hilarious. You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met.

Spar-Mar Girl said...

hey, I had to get a parasite to drop the last 17 pounds after Tyson, and with the girls I only lost the weight long enough to weigh myself once, then got pregnant again. I've pretty much given up.

You look fabulous though! Food and weight have always been my nemesis-and nursing never helped me lose anything either.

Oh well, I guess that falls under the category of 'sacrifice of being a mom'. Why couldn't it be more like we became even MORE attractive with each baby?? I vote for THAT physical change instead.

Tara said...

You are so funny - you totally crack me up. (I hate those stars). You look hot! Of course I did not know you before so you must have been super hot then. I LOVED your comment about the caterpillar - that is so funny. For sure use the pictures!

emily johns said...

I've never had twins, but it has been my experience that after each pregnancy you have to try that much harder to lose the weight than before, especially once you are after 30 (I'm sorry to be telling you this, but it's true!!) The good news is that it's possible, and you will feel good again, I promise!! I'm still working on it this time around, but I'll get there (I am telling you this as I'm eating a Reeses peanut butter cup. Nice.)

shannon said...

Jenn if your career depended on your looks and shape you too would have twins in vitro, a C-section with a tummy tuck all wrapped in one. I was talking with my wonderful Doctor about this, How the stars do it. Really we can't compare ourselves to the photo shop photos either. And what's more, it is true as you age metabolism slows. I was devastated to find this out. I too could one eat anything I wanted and excersize whatever necessary easily away. Now I have to work HARD at. Oh! the drastic measures I had to take losing the last 10 LBS. Cutting out all crap food for months and working out at least an hour a day. Hard, Hard, Hard, in our abundant world of food. Jenn it is just plain difficult when you have babies to do it all. Relax, your hot, and we all know it. Here I am starting all over again. Losing my body to one more baby was a hard decision. Sad to say. Here we go again.

Jorgenson Clan said...

I feel flattered to be mentioned in your fun, unless that is another Tanya with twins, then I'm just embarassed =) As for my secrets, I have 3 VERY active children under 4 years old. I literally chase, lift 40 lbs, climb stairs everyday. I do manage a couple gym trips a week but seriously my kids give me a workout. Just wait until the babies are running around. Actually treasure the moments they are not because at that moment life becomes crazier!

Kelli Eudis said...

okay, I totally don't know you, but randomly clicked on your link from the Riewerts blog when I was leaving a comment. Just wanted to say thanks for the laugh. That's pretty funny. :)