Ok, I've tried not to whine and complain too much about this because really, who wants to hear it? But the last US Weekly cover just sent me over the edge:
(Ok, I know, I should just stop reading trash magazines. I had to give it to my neighbor to get it out of my sight. And at least once a month they have an AMAZING POST-BABY BOD!!! cover. Blech.)
BUT - it's not just celebrities. I know I could say yeah, if I had nannies and a personal chef and a fitness trainer and got paid a million bucks to look that way.... But Brooke, and Jill, and Tanya, and a friend's sister, and all you other the other real-life post-twinners I know are totally skinny. Seriously, despite what I thought, everyone I know personally that has twins all lost all their baby weight and got back into normal clothes within weeks. I really was not expecting to be the exception to the rule.
Am I super disciplined?
Because I've never had to be before.
I've never been rail-thin, but always had a comfortable balance between eating whatever I felt like and exercising a few times a week. And I have had a few bouts of giving it some real effort. Enough that my past self would have responded. I even went without chocolate for weeks. And NOTHING. Apparently consuming my body weight in chocolate during any given month has never seemed to matter before, and the lack of it doesn't seem to matter now. (Well, at least now I know it didn't help so I can go back to eating chocolate.)
Then there's another fear: is this because I'm almost 30, and this is just what the rest of my life is going to be like?
I will say I've found a new use for Costco: that's where the fat people in Miami hang out. It's become my new self-esteem booster. It seems to be especially noticeable when you're hanging out in the food court. (Eating pizza. And churros. And ice cream. With a 5lb box of brownie bites in the cart.)
But no, not my neighborhood. Women walk out of my building all the time pushing strollers and wearing skimpy clothes with totally svelte figures. And they're always eating apples. Which makes me roll my eyes. I guess maybe I could look better if all I ate were apples every day too. But Ryan always chastises me after these women walk by. "You were totally staring them down," he'll hiss at me. Well, I say, I have to turn around to see into their strollers to see how old their babies are relative to how skinny they are so I can decide to what degree I hate them.
I think that's another reason I'm almost hesitant to give up nursing. It's been my excuse for still holding onto the weight (another exception to the rule since it makes most everyone else drop weight super easily) - I'm afraid I'll stop and still won't lose the weight, and then I'll really be screwed. I know, you guys all say I look fine. Good thing I'm tall because I hide it better, but that scale don't lie. And neither do my clothes. Seriously, I've admitted that it's too much to ask my regular clothes to accommodate an extra 25 pounds. But I've totally worn through the one pair of jeans that actually fits me. And I hate to give in and buy new clothes when I keep thinking I won't be this way long and I don't want to spend the money!
So much stress. Thanks for letting me vent.
I better go find some chocolate to unwind.