Thursday, April 19, 2012

Over it

I feel like the teenage years were about finding myself.

20s were about becoming myself. You know, really developing those characteristics that would come to define me.

Well, I feel like in my 30s I'm just over myself. 

I remember seeing those moms in this age frame - they didn't socialize with the younger moms as much, they were always off doing their own thing, and well, just seemed preoccupied.  

Oh, they were. And guess what, they didn't feel bad about it or left out like I always thought they did. They were just on to other things that had taken more importance in their lives.

Yep. I've hit that age where I'm just over feeling like I have to be at every social event so I can keep up with everyone and not feel left out. I'm over worrying if I look a certain way, or what other people will think of me, and I'm just preoccupied with naps and school pick-ups, feeding little bodies, taking care of church responsibilities, and trying to squeeze in some time with the hubby once in a while. I'm over feeling like I need to deprive myself and hone a perfect body so I look good - because really, who would notice or care?  I'm definitely over being embarrassed to go out in public straight out of bed, :)  and I'm definitely over thinking I have it all together like I probably thought in my 20s!  Seriously, how hard is it to get your own little self out of bed and ready in the morning and just walk out the door?! HA! 

I talked to a friend recently that I knew from our time in New York - I was really almost embarrassed, like practically ducking my head and feeling like I needed to apologize to her that she knew me in my 20s.  I'm sure I totally thought I was so put together! How much I have changed since then!  I felt like I had to explain that to her ... yeah, I'm really a different person than I was 5 years ago when we left New York.... She laughed a knowing laugh too, reading my thoughts exactly. "Yeah, I remember when we would come to your house and you'd be all concerned when the girls would be playing near your coffee table that was really nice!"  Oh brother.  Um yeah, that thing left our house long ago and we have nothing but junk and hand-me-downs in our house full of boys. (Granted, I really did love that coffee table.) But it really hit it home to me how much things have changed, and how much I have changed in just a few short years. And it was a silly, yet perfect example of just how differently I value things now and what matters and what doesn't.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I know you have to still do things for yourself at this age, exercise, feel good about yourself, get out of the house once in a while, do something other than mothering so you don't feel like you lose your identity; it's just that you don't care about shopping for a fabulous outfit as much as you care about whether or not your baby is getting enough iron or your kids are able to get outside and run around. And it seems this is the age when everyone I know on facebook is training for marathons or getting into some new craze - so it must be that you do need to re-invent yourself to some degree or at least hold on to something to give you some description as an individual. Maybe that's what blogging was for me, but heck, I'm kind of even over that now too.  Who has the time to be witty and funny and learn all that cutsey blog lingo like I heart everything and (read: whatever it is I'm really implying)!??!

So yep, I'm good where I am. I'm happy worrying about things that definitely feel more important to me than the things I used to worry about. I like the wisdom. I like the status. I like being in the position of all the women I looked to for advice and example when I was a newlywed and a new mom, (although I certainly don't feel as successful at it as they were). I like the stride we've hit in our married life - where my husband doesn't realize why things are the way they are in our marriage, but I've deliberately done them because I know it avoids conflicts and keeps sanity. (It only recently occurred to him - why do I always give the kids a bath??  Because I have learned after all these years that if you clean up dinner and the kitchen, I will be angry at what a lame job you did and mad that I have to go re-do and finish everything you didn't do; whereas, I don't care how you give the kids a bath and get them in bed as long as it gets done. See?  Problem averted! Wife is a genius.)

Life is good.

Anyhow, anyone know what's in store in the 40s? Cause right now I just see it as a sort of dismal decade when you contemplate trying to return all those body parts back to where they used to be.  :)


AnnaMarie said...

Well, I certainly hope you're not completely over blogging. I need to see what's coming next for me! I know what you mean, though. And I'm sure you're doing it just as well as those you looked up to when you were a new mom. Funny, about the dishes thing.

SuburbiaMom said...

You still look pretty put together to me! I think in the 40's is when we'll lament that our babies are gone and we're left with these persons all gangly and pimply and emotional. My oldest is there :( (but not too pimply).

Anonymous said...

In the 40s, they will all be on some sort of "team" and you will be shuttling each to a music lesson AND having to have dinner ready when they return.

But you will be a genius through that period as well.

I hope that SOMEONE is still reading to them at night -- or singing to them those special songs or making up a story or two. (Ryan?)


Angela said...

Hahaha. I love your blog. I can totally relate to wondering what the heck all these "mature" moms did all day back when I had one baby and I was bored all day. Now when I get sporadic invites to "meet at the park" some morning, I wonder how I ever squeezed in those outings before. And we're not even that busy! Just naps and school pick-ups, groceries, library.

Our family said...

I think I'm opposite. I feel like I've finally come into my self-confidence and I now know a little something about making myself look good and being social. One of the main reasons I go to the gym is just to fill my day because I'm not usually super busy. Maybe since I worked through the first few years, I'm just now starting to act like a young, hip mom. Hopefully my 30s don't set in for 10 more years. Also, don't stop blogging. Those of us still stuck in blog mode need things to read!

Catherine Call said...

I love this!

Melanie said...

LOVE IT! I dont know what the 40's will bring but I have a feeling you will handle it with wisedom and grace. I think having school age kids will be extremely rewarding and yet terrifying! And please dont ever feel burdened by the blog. I love your new posts but also just love looking at your beautiful boys and knowing there is another mom out there with her priorities straight!

LuAnn said...

Well put! Thanks for putting my thoughts into words. However, I do still spend a lot of time finding the perfect outfit.

Tania said...

Hmmm 40's - yes so far, LOTS of putting body parts back together.

If you think little kids are busy - just wait until you have multiple sports schedules, school volunteering, homework, and SEMINARY! And I am always lamenting where my babies have gone but loving getting to know each of my kids as individuals and understanding them more & how best to parent them.

Each era of our lives has something special, something comfortable and something to learn. We just need to try and remember to embrace each aspect while we are there :)

Keep blogging, I always have the best day when you have a new post.

Karen said...

I just love this post and am so glad someone can say exactly what I'm feeling, but much more eloquently :) And you're more funny... Thanks for this today!!!

Geoff and Bets said...

did i skip the 20s?