Do you ever have those times where you think, "Hmm, I'm not sure I'm quite the mom I envisioned I would be"? Yeah, I've had a few of those lately. Like last week when the twins were napping, I turned on the tv for Cash, and I went to sleep on the couch while he was eating macaroni and cheese for breakfast. (Well, it was his idea. And I did happen to have leftovers.)
So the next day I was trying to reform. We hadn't had the tv on all day, but Cash was just being a little naughty bugger. "Stop taking out the babies bottles. Ok, no more blankets over their faces, Cash. See? They don't like daddy's shoes on their heads. Yeah, the baby doesn't need nuts in his mouth. Hey, don't throw that at them... oh, too late. Ok, can you stop crying now?" Amidst all this, I have no idea how he climbed up on the dresser, unscrewed the big jar of diaper cream, and managed to put a huge glob in my hair all without me knowing. I only discovered it later when my unsuspecting fingers made contact.
After that, the tv went back on. And he probably had mac and cheese for dinner again.
I guess I think things would be different if I had more time. I would love to be able to slow down and enjoy it. I need a nanny. But not for the kids. I just want someone to do all the stupid stuff so I can have time to play with my kids and feel like I was successfully stimulating their little minds and having time to goof around and just laugh. My friend left some magazines the other day and when I asked later if she wanted them back, she said, "No, you guys can keep them for your next art project." To which I was sheepishly mumbling, "Uh, yeah, all those art projects we do...."
Yeah, sometimes I thought I'd be a little more on top of things than I am. If we get out of the house to get the mail, I consider it a successful day.
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Amen to that. When I read about other moms and all the creative things they do with their kids (not to mention my friend who homeschools her FOUR children), I always feel like I'm doing a crappy job at anything beyond non-essentials. I could blame it on the fact that I work, but who knows how much creative parenting I'd do if I didn't work.
I think it happens to more of us than you think!
I appreciate you telling it like it is. I swear I read so many other blogs that just talk about how wonderful their children are and how they love being around them all the time and they just light up their lives, etc... I feel pretty proud of myself if I can keep the twins away from the electrical outlets for the day...
The goal is to keep them alive. And not to let Cash out of your sight for one minute - even to go to the bathroom.
I remember when I had to go to the bathroom one morning, and thought that while there I should also fold the diapers that were on top of the bathinette (right in front of me). It finally occurred to me that AT LEAST I should be able to go to the bathroom in private without feeling pressed to double-task! Things must have been pretty bad then with 3 children under 3 1/2.
All I can say is, "This too will pass, and you will soon have all three of them in college at the same time." I remember those days too.
xoxocyhunsaker
Yeah, it really is just a short phase. We are all going to be awesome moms when our youngest is 3. But seriously, it is not such a great feeling when you have been busy all day but you still feel like your kids have had no quality time with you. How does that happen?
A couple friends and I are starting a little Mom pre-school for our 3-year-olds, who are just not getting the stimulation they need because younger siblings are (or soon will be) taking up all the attention. Each Mom will only have to teach one week out of the month, and all of our kids will be getting 2 hours of quality mental/physical/social stimulation twice a week. Wish you could come. I know everyone in your ward probably lives 20 minutes away in Miami. It's rough that you are in your toughest phase of motherhood when Ryan is working the most insane hours. But your twins are, what, 7 months old? Yay! You will never have to re-live the last 7 months! Things can only get better.
You have said exactly what has been on my mind for a while. There is always hope for tomorrow.
I think we all think that other moms are "better" moms than we ourselves are when in reality we all struggle. Dang girl, I know you are an awesome mom because your house is always clean, your kid is super smart and, you make yummy treats. In my book that makes for a great mom. :)
Forget the mail---you've had a successful day when you can go to bed at night and nobody's in jail and nobody's in the hospital. You're doing great!!!
jen, you are awesome. let me just admit that even though petrea is now 1, at least one day a week i get colin to preschool (or put on a video for him), put the baby to bed and go back to bed myself. i stay in my pjs until late afternoon and do as little as possible. not feeling bad about it, i've come to terms that i need this day to keep me sane!
Jen, you are not alone. Poor Trent deals with me being all upset over things like that sometimes. I just always tell him how UNcreative I am in artsy things to do with Trey. I too, turn on the TV and let him watch videos. Usually I am okay with that, but some days - look out - I'm an emotional train wreck!!! So, don't feel alone, and if you come up with any good ideas let me know and I'll do the same!!! And for your information, I think you are a GREAT mom! One I admire, that's for sure!!!!!
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