Gifts

A few nights ago as I was lying in bed mulling over Little Man #4, I said to Ryan, "Hmm, I guess someone else wants to come to our family. I didn't see it coming, but well, I can't blame him."  :)  Truthfully though, every time I go to the grocery store with all three in a cart I can guarantee there will be another little kid sitting alone in his shopping cart who stares and looks longingly at our cart full of kids. And as we pass by and his little neck is craning to look after us, I say, "Party in our cart!"  The few little kids that have lived in our building always seem to like coming to our house too - there is just something about walking into a house full of kids that really feels like instant fun - even if my kids aren't necessarily playing right with them.

 But the truth is, Ryan and I just love having siblings.  I can't imagine either of us having having less. I love it when we're all together and I it feels incomplete when anyone is missing. I guess I'm happy our kids will have that, although having a big family is terrifying. Especially since I sort of feel now like we're probably not done. I really have felt a little girl since before I was married. So I thought Cash would be a girl. When I was pregnant with the twins I had mentioned one time before we knew what (or how many) we were having that if this wasn't a girl she was really going to be waiting a long time. When we found out there were multiples in there I couldn't believe one of them wasn't a girl! And this time I said kind of jokingly before we got pregnant that God would probably give me a boy just to make me keep going. (It didn't mean I wasn't still shocked when I found out it wasn't actually a girl though!)  Maybe it's just been the carrot before the horse to get me to keep going and I'll never actually have a girl. Who knows. But I had a blessing one time that said children would be given to me. I thought great, I'm going to have kids, but when I was pregnant with the twins it totally took on new meaning to me. I really was being given children. I had asked for one but got gifted a second. This time around it's another one I didn't see coming. Exciting. A huge blessing. And still a little scary.

I'm sure Ryan will read this with a quizzical look on his face at the part about having more.  :)  It might take some convincing. I actually admitted to him after we found out this one was a boy that when I was a teenager and we used to do that string test to see how many kids you were having it always said I was having four boys. But seriously, who ever put any stock in that?  Weird. And then I told him- um, yeah, it said four boys...and two girls. Yikes. I really don't know that I have six in mind...and he definitely doesn't!

But yes, you better believe I was pretty relieved there was only one in there.

Now our real fear is that with three older brothers only 20 months apart this poor little guy is going to be seriously ganged up on. Always running after them, trying to keep up and getting doors slammed in his face. :)  I guess he'll learn to be tough.  And hopefully he'll have some stellar qualities to help himself stand out in a family of 4 brothers. 

Sometimes I really wish I was pregnant in Utah though where people are used to seeing pregnant women toting around 3, 4, 5 other kids. Nobody even bats an eye. Trust me, people here bat an eye. Many eyes. I almost wet my pants laughing so hard at Costco the other night when the twins were throwing such an enormous and voluminous tantrum getting in the cart after we ate that literally everyone in the food court, everyone in the huge lines at the checkout registers and everyone walking out were all staring at our circus and my pregnant belly. Maybe there would be fewer batting eyes if I could get this brood to be a little more discreet.  :)

Now if anyone hears of a boys name that sounds like he could possibly be a rock star, I'm clean out of ideas.