Doom and gloom

I am sick.

I'm not sure how it's possible to have slept as much as I have over the last day and still be completely wiped out.

I'm extremely lucky my mom is around to take care of me. Well, take care of my kids, really, while I neglect everything and everyone.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do in three days when she leaves, nor can I remember how I ever did it before she came.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. And I'm not even the one doing all the work around here right now. I was really looking forward to when the twins were a year old. Cash seemed so content when he turned a year old, and could get around on his own and understood more of what was going on. Not these kids. They were rotten getting their molars in. They were rotten last week when they were sick. Now.... well, I've run out of excuses. They're not terrible, but they're definitely not the most content, easy-going children. Maybe they're just at the scream when we don't get what we want phase (and they want everything). And the scream every time we go to sleep phase. And scream when we wake up phase. I don't know. I would be a little more happy if there were two of them with Cash's temperament. Although, even he doesn't have an easy-going temperament anymore. Unless we're around other people. Otherwise, it's disobedient, steal everything from the babies, run away from mom stubbornness I get.

We just tried to go down to a little cafe for lunch on the street level of our building. Trendy, chic, outdoor tables, fashionable people. I was already hesitant feeling as sick as I do, and looking even more deathly. Especially knowing that all eyes are always on our group and everyone would be sure to see me blowing my nose every 5 seconds and looking like a frayed, ragged mom with too many kids. And of course, what was more was the complete messes the babies were. Someone was crying or screaming the whole time. Eating garbage off the floor, trying to attack large dogs, falling into bushes, trying to pull people's food off their tables, choking from putting too much food in their mouths, screaming and throwing tantrums when withheld from doing all of the above. And I watch other kids their age. They don't all act that way. They don't all still have the everything-must-go-in-my-mouth obsession. They can be content just watching all the people and activity. They don't all go limp and throw screaming tantrums in the middle of the sidewalk.

I know, everyone else's children probably just always seem better than your own. It just seems so out of control. And I really don't know how I ever handled these kids on my own before, so I'm starting to panic.