Twilight

Ok, so all I'm going to say is that I'm totally calling for a Twilight re-make in about 15 years or so.



That should be about the right time since I have a budding young Edward in mind:







See? He's totally been practicing his teen angst expressions. (And yeah, too bad Edward really looked like this most of the movie.)

But he's also working on the charming guy with good hair look:



And his conflicted young man expressions:






And his I'm-actually-a-real-charmer-but-I-just-might-eat-you expressions:






And his nothing-gets-past-me-beacause-I have super-human senses face....



And his I can't live without you, Bella!! face....


....and so on....





And we don't even have to use all that airbrushed makeup to get the pasty white look.

Why I think Men would be well-suited to having babies

I've been thinking about this topic lately. There are really quite a few valid reasons men would be the better suited sex for having babies:

* Their bodies. Men can get busy and not see the light of a gym in years, yet when they finally go back, it's like they can pretty much pick up where they left off. And they lose weight SO much more easily than women. This has made me bitter lately - why aren't they the ones to watch their bodies grow, expand, morph, sag, droop, and then repeat the cycle? They can fix the situation at least much more easily than women. I've been thinking that part of Eve's punishment - affliction in bearing children or whatever it was, was really a lot more detailed than the Bible let on.

* Their lack of ability to multi-task. You may think this would be a hindrance, but see, since they can't multi-task, it wouldn't even cross their mind to try to take on too much at one time. They wouldn't even think about taking care of the babies and children while making dinner, calling to make doctors appointments and figure out the insurance, planning creative activities for their children, getting to playdates, watching the neighbors kids, doing the laundry, cleaning the house and getting ready to throw a Modest Swimsuit party all at the same time. It wouldn't cross their minds. Therefore, I'm sure they would get by much more simply, and live with FAR LESS GUILT about not getting everything done than women do. Because it would never occur to them to do otherwise.

* Their general apathy toward clothing. Their disdain for shopping combined with their lack of fashion sense (without wife intervention) and their hatred for spending money on shopping would lead them to an easy conclusion: buy a good pair of sweatpants and wear them for 9 months.

* Their emotions. Or lack thereof. I realize there are some men out there who are emotional. I just don't happen to know them. I think I've seen Ryan get emotional maybe 2 or 3 times since I've known him (and no, those didn't happen to be our wedding and the births of our children). I don't even think pregnancy hormones could induce episodes of sitting on the couch with a box of kleenexes crying over sappy tv commercials in him. (But I'd sure like to get him back for all the times he walked in on this scenario and said, "Again?")

* Sleep. They would probably sleep through the babies crying in the night and thus they would be better rested and the babies would probably just learn to sleep through the night much faster.

* Nursing: 1. Football hold. Need I say more? 2. Nursing would be way easier in guys clothes than finding your way through dresses, fitted blouses, shirts, slips, zippers, hooks, tank tops, undershirts, waistnippers, and whatever the heck else women have going on under there.

I know, there are MANY reasons why men really would not be well-suited for having babies. Number one on my list - well, you remember my post about Ryan when he's sick - how whiny men are when they don't feel good even when it's the same thing you just had? Or this post about the man-cold?? CAN YOU IMAGINE NINE MONTHS OF THAT??? I guess it's better how it is.

Goodbye 20s

As I am the last of my friends to turn 30, I've really enjoyed reading their posts all year long about things they accomplished in their 20s. So to celebrate the big 3-0 today, I'll continue the tradition.

* Great American road trips. Road trips in college saw some fabulous hiking in places like Arches National Park, Canyonlands, Moab, Zion National Park, Capitol Reef and Escalante areas, Havasupai in Arizona; a couple of road trips to various parts of California (like waking up in college and just deciding to drive until we hit the ocean), and who knows where else. Too bad people didn't really have digital cameras much back then or I'd post some awesome pictures. Just imagine me skinny and buff doing lots of crazy stuff. :) Oh yeah, also a few friends' weddings in Seattle and St. George, and a super-lame trip with a then ex-boyfriend (the trip was already planned!) and some other friends to Nauvoo and the mid-west.

Then when we were married, Ryan and I took lots of good road trips from New York. We went up to parts of Massachussets (anyone else ever get into those get free stuff for going to time share presentations? Ryan loves those. I hate having to sit there knowing I'm just going to keep saying no to everything, so I refuse to do anymore, but we did get some free trips from them). We also went to Boston, Plymouth, and Cape Cod.
That was a crazy trip. Anyone know that Provincetown is a gay community? That made for some great people watching, and one of my favorite pictures of all times. I came out of one shop one time to find Ryan waiting for me Forrest Gump style like this:

I love the slight shifty eye, I'm-a-little-uncomfortable look Ryan has in this picture. I still really have no idea if that was a man or a woman sitting next to him.

But really interesting people watching and crazy stuff to see everywhere you looked. (And um, yes, these are men.)



We were also too cheap to get a hotel up there, so these were our accomodations:


We also visited the Jersey shore, and went to Atlantic City (super lame and ghetto compared to Vegas), but we did manage to sleep in the car at the Trump Hotel parking lot (once again, too cheap), went to Niagara falls and Palmyra, Ocean City Maryland, Philadelphia, Chicago a few times (when we lived in Milwaukee) and of course, just lived up our time in the Big Apple:

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade:
Went to the Republican National Convention while we lived there:

Biked along the Hudson:



Danced with the crazy pink sports bra lady in Central Park (oh how she loved to just shake it for our babies):Walked over the Brooklyn Bridge (from the pier on the other side):


* Traveled for work all over the U.S. training doctors on medical software. Went to lots of small towns mostly, but also got to work in Beverly Hills at a very posh clinic (one doctor's roommate had just broken up with Matthew McConaughey), a cool and slightly creepy little town in Maine (but was there during an amazing time of year):


And Wasilla, Alaska (proud home of Sarah Palin).
View from the airplane flying in:

Got to take a flightseeing tour of Denali. Seriously crazy, you don't just fly and look at it - you weave in and out of these small canyons, and land on glaciers and stuff in a sketchy little prop plane.


And I also got to go to the Talkeetna Wilderness Woman Competition, where rather burly women race to chop wood, load it up on snowmobiles (snowmachines), shoot guns, and make some food and get a beer for their man - all to claim the title to be the next Wilderness Woman and get her pick from the "male order" catalog for a date to the evenings events. Crazy, but when else do you get to stand outside in below zero weather to witness something so wacky? The local moose was really trying to get me to participate. Luckily I kept pulling the pregnancy card.
* International trips: Japan, South Africa, Botswana, Italy, London, Paris, Malaysia, and Cambodia.

Cambodia:



* Graduated from college. Majored in Human Biology. Kissed lots of boys.

* Also became a hairdresser. Learned the art of reading trash magazines while at the salon.

* Was at my skinniest (yes, I was actually as skinny when I left on a mission, and at my wedding as I was in high school, probably only maintained that weight for like a week though).

* AND was at my fattest. Multiple times. And currently. I'm hoping that means it can only get better from here when I enter my 30s?

* Was even a red-head for about 2 seconds.


* Got a husband through medical school.
(He was the graduation speaker at his medical school graduation in Carnegie Hall). Then graduation dinner at the Waldorf:



* Had three babies (and that took less than 1/5 of my 20s).

*Lived in Provo, Utah

*Lived in South Africa and Botswana

* Lived in New York

* Lived in D.C. for a summer

* Lived in Wisconsin

* Lived in Miami



**** Made some amazing friends along the way****


Yeah, I guess it was a pretty good decade.

Celebrate

Huh. I thought there'd be a little more enthusiasm about that last post. I've been thinking about it forever and it sure took a while to put together. Figured what took me lots of hours and lots of money to learn would be some good free advice. But I guess I get it - not everyone is all jazzed about cutting their kids or their husbands hair. Just like I have no desire to make my kids clothes or knit or can food. Ok, I get that. At least it was helpful for a few, that's what matters.

Anyway, I think the nursing is officially over. To celebrate, I think I'm going to go take some vicodin and a muscle relaxer. :) I've missed you, guys. It's been a loooong time since I've been able to take much for pain. Over three years, actually. Wow, that's a long time I've been living as a host.

Boy's haircuts

Some of you have heard me say that I'm a big fan of mom's cutting their kids hair. There are a few reasons for this: A. Money. The salon I was at was like $30 or something for a kids haircut. And some kids have such fine hair it would only be cutting like 5 hairs for that price. B. You know best how you like your kids hair anyway. It may take you a while to figure out how to cut it how you like it, but if your kid has messed up hair, is it really that big of a deal? C. Kids are moving targets, and I hate cutting kids hair, so I prefer you do them yourself. :) I'm actually a fan of cutting your husband's hair for a lot of the same reasons. (Except if your husband can't sit still through a haircut, you've got issues. Try turning on the tv while you do it.) I wasn't a hairdresser yet when I started cutting Ryan's hair, and it turned out fine, and I figured out how I liked it best, so I got the final say in the matter. :) So really, unless he has a big presentation coming up or something, convince him to let you try.

So while I was in Utah over the summer, I had my sister video me cutting my nephew's hair, for the benefit of anyone who may be interested. I just never got around to editing them or compressing them enough to get them all on here until now. I'm not saying I'm an amazing hairdresser or anything and I'm sure many other people could teach you better, but I figure if there are a few pointers you pick up to help you, then great.

This haircut is a very basic cut. Even though it sounds boring, most guys have a basic men's haircut. A lot of the variety comes in styling - adding products, messing it up, spiking it, etc. And this one is quite a short version of a basic cut (we were talking him out of a buzz). Of course there are many other ways to cut guys hair - longer, leaving the front or back longer, faux-hawks, crazy rocker styles, etc, but this is how the majority cut their hair.

Hopefully you can see these well enough. I realize it would be better if you could see it bigger and in better quality so you could see more detail, but oh well. I tried to just do a little of each part on the camera and then finish it off camera so it wouldn't be TOO long. (So if you do follow along, make sure you do the whole head - don't just copy this exactly!) Sorry there's a lot of videos, but obviously you're not going to watch them if you're not interested anyway. And that way you don't have to search through a whole long movie for one part and you can pause as you go if you want to follow along. And some of this stuff may feel a little a little advanced if you're not comfortable with cutting hair at all, so just do what you feel comfortable with - you really don't have to do all the fine details that I do.

So first, a little on how to hold your comb and scissors:


Really - if you decide you want to cut hair, having that down will make it much less of a hassle. Cutting Ryan's hair before I knew that was annoying because I was always having to set down my scissors, find the comb, set the comb down again, find my scissors.... So even if this haircut isn't how you cut your kids hair, that part may at least be useful.



This next video is something you definitely don't have to do. Some guys really like a "fade" - basically where the clipper size gets smaller and smaller as you get closer to the bottom of their hairline - and you don't go up as high with each successive size, so it just fades off. Some guys do even 2 or three different size clippers to fade it off. I'm just doing one here because sometimes I prefer the look, but you would be TOTALLY fine just using one clipper size for the whole haircut. Just figured I'd show you wile I was at it.










On this next video, just to clarify, the first thing I show is with regular scissors, and your just cleaning up your line to make sure it's even. The second thing is with the thinning shears, and with those you actually cut inside the hair - it's not for cutting your line, it's cutting inside the line, could be like 1/4" or 1/2" into the hair (depending on how long the hair is). The first time you do it, you'll think you're going to make a big mistake, but it doesn't cut every hair like regular scissors do - it just cuts a few hairs, so it blends out the blunt lines cut by your scissors.




So if you want the top to be longer, just cut it whatever length you want and then you may just blend the corners off at a steeper angle, if that makes sense.






If you decide you want to (or you already do) cut your kids/husbands hair, I guess my recommendation would be to get some haircutting scissors - regular ones, and I really think that texturizing shears (with as many teeth as they have) are invaluable especially when you're learning and need help blending in those lines more. I also think a haircutting cape is a good idea. Makes for FAR less mess. I'm sure you could get stuff like this at a Sally's beauty supply or one of those places that doesn't require a license.

A couple other things, I guess - if you're lucky and your husband has curly hair like mine does, you have an even better subject because their hair won't show lines and mistakes as easily as totally straight hair. Also, if someone has serious cowlicks, maybe don't cut those areas too short until you know how they behave. And when in doubt, leave things longer than you want - you can always cut shorter, but when it's gone, there's no going back.

I hope I did a good enough job explaining. If anyone has questions or you can't see something clearly enough, let me know!


(Oh yeah, and to my cousins who own kids salons - don't worry - I don't know many people who live by you!)

Bribery

Ok, so we don't have anyone here that we've found to use as a babysitter - like the when we're away babysitter, not just to help while we're around. So instead of begging for a trade with some other couple here and be indebted to them until we pay them back, I'm putting out an offer - if someone (local, obviously) wants to come watch our kids Saturday so we can go out to dinner and a movie for my birthday, I'll do your hair for you sometime. Whatever you want. Just think about it first before you respond. We do have three very little children and it would have to probably involve bedtime, so I don't know who would be getting the better end of the deal. :)

Car seat deal

*Update: Sorry it looks like it is out of stock now!*

So remember Ryan's love of slickdeals.net? Well, it's proven useful for something actually really useful this time: a Britax Marathon car seat. Normally listed at $279, the Granite color is now $42.99 with free shipping. Since I don't know numbers for all the people I know that are pregnant, I thought I'd post it on here. We just bought two of them, although we're not sure they'll work because we may need a special brand that makes them narrow enough that we can fit three car seats across. So anyway, if you need another car seat or know someone that needs a new car seat, hurry and tell them! Anything that gets on slickdeals usually goes really fast, so go get one if you need it! And if you know about car seats, you know how awesome this is since Britax is one of the highest ranked brands by consumer reports and stuff. I have a friend who is way into all that consumer report stuff and she only buys Britax for that reason. Anyway, sweet deal! Click HERE for a link to the Target one, or just search on Target's website for Britax Marathon and it's the granite color.

Miami update

Ok, so I figure you all got sick of hearing me talk about Miami (and pretty much my disdain for it), so I chilled out for a while. But I can only suppress my feelings for so long. So here's the latest.

1. I don't know how I am supposed to feel that they have placed one of those police marquees, electronic road sign things on the street right outside our building. It says: Commit a crime with a gun and get 10 years - life in prision. This area under surveillance. Nice.

2. There have now been about three non-humid days since I've lived here. That means the other couple hundred have still been humid. It is the middle of November people, and the last time I checked the weather it was 89% humidity. UGH. Yes, the temperatures are getting lower (like 80s), and that's a little better, but not when it's still so dang humid. I know, if you live here, you're going to say, "Oh really? It's still humid?" Yes. And I'm still sweating in the middle of the night.

I realized how bad it was when I took the babies to physical therapy a week or so ago and I walked in and one physical therapist said, "Woah, you did your hair." Then a second one walked in and said, "Wow, you look nice - you did your hair." And then another one, until I finally said, "OK, OK! I know - I pretty much always look like crap since I've moved to Miami." I just hadn't realized it was that bad! But seriously, why would I bother doing my hair here when within 2 minutes of walking outside, I look like this:
(Ok, except with clothes on.)

3. People here are so quick to get mad at you, and be all up in a rage, even when you're not in the wrong. I cannot tell you how many times I've gotten the throw the hands up in the air, lean forward and give you the what-the-heck glare. Like driving. Yesterday, it happened to Ryan and I a couple of times. One time he and another lady happened to round a corner in the parking lot at the same time - honestly, not a big deal, no one to blame, and it's not like anything happened, one of you can just wait for the other. But of course we get the what-the-heck throw the arms up in the air from her. Ok, that was totally unnecessary.

Then today I was leaving a parking lot. Let me just say, we have very squealy tires. They have always been that way. This parking lot had especially waxy or slick floors. So when I was leaving to go pay the parking attendant, I rounded the corner and my tires totally squealed on the floor. The guy coming up the opposite way stopped his car, glared at me, mouthed some words, and of course gave me the throw-your-arms-up-in-disgust. Um, if you had stopped to think about it, idiot, you would have noticed that I was only going 5 miles an hour. I was only parked around the corner, not even enough time to get up speed, it's not like I was skidding and sliding around the corner, or like I somehow infringed on your driving at all. I could give you about 5 other driving examples like this too.

And yesterday we were in Wal Mart. Granted, we all know Wal Mart is the armpit of America, but it is especially true in Miami. I was walking, pushing my cart and I was sort of looking back at some items that I had just passed. Well, I turned around in time to see another cart coming along the other way in front of me, so I stopped and gave a friendly courteousy "Sorry," for really nothing at all, just the fact that if I hadn't turned around in another 2 seconds I could have run into her. The woman stopped her cart and glared at me. I could see the arms itching to be thrown up in the air in disgust, and muttering under her breath. She even glared me down and waited another awkward 5 seconds, as if to make sure I didn't try to pull another fast one and just start walking and ram into her cart. Seriously, so unneccessary. And I'm pretty sure if I could hear in their minds or in their cars they're all muttering, "Stupid white girl."

So on another note about Wal Mart, I had to return a couple things when we went. So I had to go wait in a nasty long line, and by the time I got to the front, the girl said to me, "do you have a sticker?" I said, "Um, what sticker?" She said, "You have to get a sticker saying you walked in the store with those items." I said, "Oh, I've never had to do that before, I didn't know." "Well, you have to go back and get one and then get back in the back of the line." "Are you serious? After you've already seen me here without a sticker, you want me to go back and get a sticker just for the sake of getting a sticker, even when I have a receipt and everything?" "Yes." Grr. And of course the line was twice as long when I got back. But the lady who gave me the sticker said that you wouldn't believe the things people do in this Wal Mart. I believed her further when honestly, nearly every item I tried to pick up had already been opened. Boxes of crackers - already opened and eaten from, rolls - same thing, and even salad dressing. Seriously, who the heck is going around opening a bottle of salad dressing in the middle of Wal Mart. Someone just have a sudden craving for a swig of ranch? Seriously.

4. People continue to be SO put out when you ask them to do anything for you - even when it's their job. Even when it's their mistake you're asking them to fix. I don't understand it. I am STILL trying to get things from my doctor's office for issues that I started calling them about in August. A few weeks ago, I called and said, "I haven't gotten my test results yet and I've left a few messages and no one has called me back. They said it would take 2 days and it's been over a month." The girl tells me, "Oh they're in the mail." "Oh, they are?" I said, "because I haven't seen anything yet." "Yeah," she says, "We mailed them out." Then I asked her another more detailed question and she sighs and says, "Alright, what's your date of birth?" She hadn't even been looking at my chart! And here she is telling me they're in the mail just to get me off the phone when she really has no idea. UGH. Then when I finally did get my results (which she did have to get mailed out), I had to call back and say, "I think the wrong test was done on me. I see one on here that I have no idea why they would have ordered it, and there were a few she said they were going to do that aren't on here." The annoyed response I get from the girl after a long pause, "So, what do you want me to do about it?" Oh, I don't know - do your job and figure it out???

Ok, if you're still reading, thanks for letting me rant. There are also many things I do like here - like the great group of girls I hang out with, all the little friends for Cash to play with, and um, there's water to look at that's pretty?

Pictures, pictures, pictures

Phoenix

Ashton